Emotional Labor: It’s Time to Stop Calling Them ‘Soft Skills’

The invisible work of emotional labor and self-regulation is critical for success in today’s collaborative and customer-driven landscape. Yet, it is also one of the hardest parts of any job. It’s time to recognize emotional labor for what it is: a vital, complex and challenging skill set that drives personal and organizational success.

Emotional labor—the effort to manage one’s emotions and expressions to meet professional expectations—is often misunderstood, undervalued or dismissed as a “soft skill.” More specifically, those in the tech and our channel ecosystem traditionally skew toward technical expertise. Here, acknowledging the role of emotional labor can feel like venturing into uncharted territory. But come with me as we unpack a few things.

What Is Emotional Labor?

Let’s start with the term “emotional labor.” Introduced by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her 1983 book, “The Managed Heart,” the term describes the effort required to regulate emotions and expressions to fulfill the psychological demands of a job. While commonly associated with service-oriented professions like health care or hospitality, emotional labor is equally prevalent—and necessary—in most corporate environments.

In practice, emotional labor manifests in two primary ways:

Surface Acting: Displaying emotions you don’t genuinely feel, such as maintaining patience during frustrating meetings or smiling through client criticism.

Deep Acting: Aligning internal feelings with professional expectations, such as cultivating genuine empathy for a stressed colleague or customer.

This balancing act is an essential part of maintaining workplace harmony, fostering relationships and delivering exceptional customer experiences.

Emotional Labor In The Tech And IT Channel

The channel ecosystem thrives on collaboration, problem-solving and customer satisfaction. While technical skills are indispensable, they don’t operate in a vacuum. Consider the following scenarios:

Customer-Facing Roles: IT professionals often interact with clients who are frustrated by technical issues. Successfully managing these interactions requires empathy, patience and a calm demeanor—hallmarks of emotional labor.

Team Dynamics: Collaborating on complex projects demands navigating diverse personalities, resolving conflicts and maintaining morale, especially under tight deadlines.

Leadership And Mentorship: Managers and mentors in the tech space rely heavily on emotional labor to inspire teams, provide constructive feedback and support professional growth.

In each case, the ability to perform emotional labor effectively can mean the difference between a project’s success and failure.

The Cost Of Emotional Labor

Although emotional labor is crucial, it comes at a cost. Managing emotions to meet organizational or client expectations can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout and even physical health issues. This is especially true when there’s a significant gap between one’s authentic feelings and the emotions one is expected to display—a phenomenon Hochschild termed “emotional dissonance.” This emotional dissonance is often disproportionately evoked for those in nondominant groups who are expected to function within the cultural frames of the more dominant social group.

For tech professionals, the stress of juggling high-stakes projects with emotional demands can amplify these effects. Without recognition and support, emotional labor can erode well-being and job satisfaction over time.

Why We Must Stop Calling Emotional Labor A ‘Soft Skill’

The term “soft skills” trivializes the complexity and importance of emotional labor. It implies these abilities are secondary to “hard” technical skills. Yet, staying emotionally calm in the face of challenges often represents the most challenging and impactful aspects of a job.

Simply put, emotions are hard. Managing emotions and navigating interpersonal dynamics require effort, practice and resilience. Many of us are not taught these skills outright and most are still mastering well into adulthood. Calling them “soft” undermines their difficulty.

By reframing emotional labor as a critical competency, we can begin to give it the respect and investment it deserves.

Building A Culture That Values Emotional Labor

To support emotional labor and reduce its toll, organizations and leaders in the channel must:

Acknowledge Its Importance: Incorporate emotional labor into performance evaluations, training programs and organizational culture. Celebrate its contributions to success as much as technical expertise.

Provide Resources: Offer workshops, mental health support and peer coaching to help employees develop and sustain emotional resilience.

Model The Behavior: Leaders should demonstrate the value of emotional labor by practicing empathy, clear communication and stress management themselves.

Stop Calling Them Soft Skills

It’s time to challenge the outdated notion that emotional labor and similar competencies are “soft skills.” The channel ecosystem can only thrive when professionals are equipped to handle not just the technical demands of their roles but also the emotional complexities. By recognizing emotional labor as a critical skill, we empower individuals to succeed, build stronger teams and create workplaces that foster innovation and well-being.

Let’s drop the label “soft skills” and start treating emotional labor as the hard, essential work it truly is.

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