Learning To Lead Means Getting Uncomfortable

When building an organization, many entrepreneurs struggle not only to build their business but also to build their culture. But what if we took time to sit in that discomfort rather than moving as if it did not exist? Could it help us be more inclusive leaders?

Alexandra Matthiesen, a seasoned marketing leader with over 15 years of experience in the technology sector, and I sat down recently to discuss all things inclusion. Typically, the focus is on building diverse and inclusive business practices, but here we got a little more personal when the discussion turned to the nuanced challenges and opportunities that come with being an inclusive leader. After all, business is business, but we are all humans desiring connection and looking for belonging. Below are the highlights of our conversation.

Seeking to understand inclusion from a personal perspective, can you explain what it means to be an inclusive leader from a personal level?

Most of the time the focus on the bottom line, the direct impact inclusion has on the business—how inclusion benefits the company. But being an inclusive leader is a deeply personal pursuit. It’s about understanding how diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging [DEIB] resonate within us and how these feelings can be fostered across an organization. It’s essential to give ourselves the space to process and understand the complexities of inclusion because it often leads to areas that are socially tense.

How can we address the tension around inclusive leadership when so many people are hesitant to talk about feelings -- or address emotions -- in the workplace?

To begin, from a neurological perspective, we’re never not talking about feelings. The brain doesn’t compartmentalize thinking and feeling; it’s always doing both. When we engage in unfamiliar or challenging areas, like a conversation about race or a challenging project, our brain’s amygdala lights up. This triggers physiological responses like a burst of adrenaline or cortisol. Often this doesn’t feel great, it is uncomfortable, but it’s our body preparing to learn. If we can embrace this discomfort, there’s so much potential for growth. Indeed, that is where the growth is, within the discomfort of experiencing something new.

When we realize that discomfort is a sign of learning, and come to embrace it, we shift how we as a leader perceive tension—seeing it as a signal that our bodies are preparing to do something new. And the best organizations never want to stop growing and evolving. The best, most inclusive leaders maintain psychological safety because we know it creates the best space for innovation.

Creating psychological safety can be challenging, but even more challenging to maintain in the face of differing power dynamics. How do you, as an inclusive leader, handle the defensiveness that might arise when leading diverse teams?

I approach it by acknowledging that I’m always learning too. Growing up as a white woman, I’ve benefited from systemic privileges. Recognizing that, while also understanding the limitations placed on me due to gender, helps me stay in a state of constant learning, unlearning, relearning and rebuilding. I’ve learned to accept that discomfort is part of the process. I understand that making mistakes is inevitable. What’s important is how we respond and learn from those mistakes. How those mistakes can take us to new areas of personal growth.

Acknowledging privilege isn’t about admitting that your life isn’t hard—it’s recognizing that your life isn’t made harder by specific societal factors. Being aware of and embracing it can significantly change how we approach hard conversations of identity—and how we lead our teams to success.

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